It looks like autumn, but it feels like summer… or is it the other way around? It’s that ambiguous time of year when it feels like you go through two, maybe three seasons within twenty-four hours. Early autumn mornings are quickly followed by warm summer days, completed by late spring or late summer evenings and fresh early autumn nights.
Decadent delight, to burry my toes in warm sand and to feel the waves against my legs this late in September. This weekend I thought I’d take the last barefoot walk on the beach. I wasn’t having too great a day. I needed to drown my thoughts in the sound of the waves just as badly as I needed to feel like a kid playing with my toes in the sand. It’s almost hard to believe that less than too week ago the beaches were still full of tourists – it always amazes me how fast any sign of summer fun and glory disappears, literally from one day to the next, as though the waves wash away everything and anything.
The view, the fresh air and the noise of the sea worked their magic instantly. I was obviously not the only one in need of such magic. We had finally taken our town back from the hoard of holiday makers and the weather was good to us, so there was nothing better to do than enjoy this simple fortune.
I know many women dread taking walks by themselves. Personally, I often need it, it helps me sort out my thoughts and find balance in a way I never can if I have to focus on the person(s) accompanying me as well. It’s all about thinking of everything and nothing, about people watching and also ignoring everybody at the same time.
It felt fitting, it made sense that I take stock of the summer past. Sometime at the end of June I had decided on a selfish summer. Did that feel good… I will only say this much: detaching yourself from those people who do nothing but consume your energy, taking everything you can offer and more without ever giving anything in return, not even the slightest sign of appreciation, much less a kind word or help can be such a relief… Especially when some of those people are related to you… It may not have been the most spectacular one ever, but my all-about-myself summer was just what I needed and the change was definitely beneficial.
Late September, late afternoon and there were still people sunbathing or swimming. I couldn’t blame them, the water was warm and tempting. The pretentious summer crowd was replaced by a few tourists taking advantage of the great weather and their low-cost vacation, but mostly by a variety of locals of all ages taking in the sun and the salty air. Young couples were enjoying the thrills of early days romance and passion, oblivious to the world around them. Children, parents, grandparents, dogs, they were all enjoying the beach alike. After a summer ruled by appearances, money and extravagance, the beach was again a place where everybody felt at ease. Flip-flops and shorts, bathing suits, dresses and sandals, jeans and t-shirts, shirts and ties, rolled up sleeves, jackets casually held on their owners’ arms or shoulders, anything and everything felt appropriate, because nobody could be bothered to care. It summer often feels like a time when everything is allowed, this time of year feels like everything is acceptable.
Just as I was congratulating myself for taking a short break, just like everybody else, not caring about my outfit or my looks, I was abruptly brought back to earth by a face I couldn’t quite place… I didn’t know her, yet I had the feeling I had seen her many times. Oh yes… that’s why… The local starlet, so-called model, often invaded the TV screen, as she was better known for her affinity for plastic surgery and for her countless liaisons with obscenely rich and/or dubious men.
They must touch up those photos quite a lot, was my first thought, thus encouraging my inner bitch to wake up and take note. Hmmm… she has put on weight… was that why she had disappeared into public oblivion or was it the other way around? My-my… how the mighty have fallen… On my way back I couldn’t help noticing she was improving her artificial tan on the beach belonging to a rather cheap hotel. And since nobody seemed interested in taking pictures of or with her, poor thing had to rely on herself and take pouty selfies. Good thing a girlfriend had accompanied her, otherwise social media might have been deprived of sensual images of her in a damp bikini. Oh yes… my female ego was having a great, if petty day, noticing the changes she seemed to have undergone; besides I looked younger and was in much better shape, although from what I know, we are the same age. The small things that please us… Yet, to give credit when credit’s due, her hair looked amazing in spite of the wind and high humidity, while mine felt and looked like I had spent the better part of the day teasing it.
Once my ‘mean girl’ moment passed, I could go back to my calming walk. Nothing and nobody can be immune to change. I could feel the early autumn evening was about to replace the summer warmth and I was finally ready to go home. My mood had altered, the way it always does when I feel like it’s just me and the sea. As for the rest, who can tell what changes are to come next?…