Imagining Adventure

4

I drove past the sign and as the car was moving faster, I started feeling less restless. I had just stopped by the petrol station, I had a full tank and enough money in my purse to refuel once more. Things had definitely been worse for me at some point in the past, but I didn’t want to think about that. I left the town behind and I could just keep driving… But where?

Some people get antsy when spring arrives, it’s like the warm air defrosts their adventurous side; others get edgy when autumn or winter start imbuing the air with their specific fragrance. For me, it’s summer, early summer. It’s always been early summer. That’s the time of year when I become particularly restless… some might smirk and call that restlessness careless or even self-destructive. I couldn’t argue with them, it’s been known to happen…

This is the time when I feel a desperate need to shake everything up, to uproot my entire existence. This is the time when I fantasize about change, about complete change that I cause voluntarily by simply turning everything upside down and starting fresh. Am I still able to do that, I wonder? I don’t know anymore, but every early summer I feel like putting myself to that particular test. As I drive past the city limits, I can’t deny the urge to never come back. Perhaps I’ve lived here long. Perhaps I’ve gotten all there was to get out of this place. Perhaps it’s time for somewhere else, for something else. Perhaps it’s time to pull everything down so I could rebuild something entirely new.

While I’m still in town, I try to distract myself by focusing on the small things. Maybe I could focus this energy on adding something new rather than on starting new. I drive past a cyclist and I think, I could do that too, he seems to enjoy it. Yes, I could do that, but I hate cycling, I always have; that’s no fun for me. I want something else, something more adventurous, more thrilling. Mountain climbing perhaps? I’m not the mountain climbing type either. I’ve tried it many moons ago, I ticked it off the list and then got over it. I can’t say I hated it, but it didn’t suit me either. Once I proved myself I could do it, I moved on. None of those things are me, I crave some sort of adventure, not a reinvention of myself.

I know how to handle this sort of craving after all the times I’ve experienced it. I also know I’m not a pleasant person to be around when this sort of mood hits, so I try to stay away from those I care about. The truth is, the main reason why my adventure fantasies remain just that and I prevent them from materializing is the fact that nowadays I have something to lose. The truth is I don’t hate my life; I actually am aware of all the things I have to be grateful for… The truth is I also have people I care about, people I wouldn’t want to lose. Yet these restless thoughts I get every early summer make me envision and crave just that – a brand new existence, with brand new challenges, because it seems it’s in our blood to get bored, to stop appreciating, to take things and people for granted.

Driving back on a more scenic route, the way I always knew I would, I feel a bit calmer. I always know when I want to leave a place or a person for good and I generally manage to focus on the reasons I have to go back. But imagining how it might be to escape my own existence and build a new one is still something thrilling, something motivating, something I ultimately and selfishly don’t want to share with anybody else. It’s my adventure, after all.

However, there are pertinent compromise versions of it – I hear that’s what adults do… Hmmm… I know that part of my restlessness is the fact that I miss travelling. After a year of going back and forth almost on a monthly basis, after practically living in two countries at once, now I realize I miss it. In spite of all the difficulties, I grew to like it… or at least to get used to it so much and so fast, that apparently now I miss it, on top of everything else. So I know that some small travel adventure – be it locally or internationally – is a compromise I could very well live with and enjoy enough to calm down these early summer urges. There’s the adventure we dream about and then there’s the adventure we can afford to live with in real life…

I’m often told that people “my age” settle down and should be perfectly fine with living uneventful lives; and if I crave adventure, I should just spend a day on the beach without solar protection. Well, call me crazy, label me hopelessly immature, but once in a while I need more than that. And as long as I can offer myself at least a part of that which I want and need, I will do just that, regardless of the frowns it might bring on certain brows… who, I might add, have no business minding my business.

In response to WordPress Weekly Discover Challenge – Adventure.

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20 thoughts on “Imagining Adventure

  1. Hi Ana – read this thrice – isn’t that a funny word –
    Ha!
    The other day and twice juts now – And each time the little tidbits whisper between the lines – like this –
    “always know when I want to leave a place or a person for good ….”

    And then I liked this –
    “These early summer urges. There’s the adventure we dream about and then there’s the adventure we can afford to live with in real life…”

    And a side note for me was that when my children were of a certain age- there were a few summers of making things so adventure filled for them – to where I was glad when we found our summer groove and routine – like realizing camp weeks are good – and lots of little things – but also good old fashioned down time – like the bored dogs days of summer maybe – or time to play in ways that were simpler – or time to explore.
    It is cool to live in times when we can do smokers of adventure camps or travel to exotic places – but when does this become busy distraction versus life giving adventure! ?
    I like how the comments here remind us there is no formula and so unique we are with changing drum beats –
    And my enjoyable home days now have to be partly contented because of so much travel early on (sometimes vacation – but other times mandatory because our family is scattered) and so I know that makes me feel more settled (and maybe boring to some onlookers a ha!)
    Anyhow
    -another reason I read this a third time was because of the humanity things your counselor side brings to the spotlight-
    Things people have normal angst about….
    Like the crave to reinvent themselves – the grappling and wrestling with needs vs wants – or the pull to experience adventure –
    Much to glean ….

    ✈️🚅🚦☀️

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are s0, so many ways to enjoy summer, if we just allow ourselves… Of course, there are extreme circumstances when nothing really makes sense or can be enjoyable, but if we’re lucky not to face any of them at the moment, then we’ve got a plethora of alternatives. I have to keep reminding myself that very fact once in a while 🙂
      I find it absolutely amazing that you managed to create those adventure filled summers for your children and enjoy them as well. Having had a mother who never quite understood why my friends and I enjoyed camping and mountain climbing as teenagers, I can only say, hats off to you, Y!
      As for all those fears and cravings… I believe we all have them, whether we admit it or not. What we do about them and how we channel them is a matter of subjective choice; but opening up about such things might just make the little monsters a lot less menacing 😉 .

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well said about reducing the menace! Ha….
        And life is so in the learning too – I see this so much still –
        And with our summer adventures or attempts at vacation getaways – well for about five years we started our summer vacations in early June because we combined them with where my step daughter would be – and it was stress going – and stress during – and less stress returning – but stress meter never really went down the way it should – partly because it was like a day after school ended and when I was a teacher – the ending weeks are late nights (for me at least as I was in messy art stuff those days) and so when I needed sleep we were prepping house for dog sitter and packing and hustling to make sure this and that was in place – anyhow –
        It was nice to combine things for family bonding – but I was glad when we stopped those very early June trips!
        However – a couple years after that I learned another lesson! Waiting until July or August was too late for needed refreshment – and I appreciated what those forced June trips brought us (or I became conditioned to have that early exit) – and so we ended up scheduling things in June again, but try to not force the dates – because some of those earlier June trips really took a toll – had some mental refreshment and other perks – but I guess the old saying rings true

        Some vacations leave us needing another vacation to recoup from the vacation adventure….

        Liked by 1 person

        • Some of those trips can be great in spite of all the challenges, others however are just so consuming and too stressful to handle. So many different things, different people with different needs and activities have to be crammed in such a small window of time, that the whole experience starts to be about anything but relaxation.
          June is a nice time for a getaway when that’s an option; much as I enjoy getting lost in a crowd, August and July can be too much sometimes.
          You are soooo right… some vacations do leave us desperately needing another vacation to recover from the first one 🙂 . For me, it’s the people I spend them with that make that particular difference, some can be so exhausting that I might just need a couple of days to recuperate afterwards 😉 .
          Have a nice week Yvette, and in case you’re planning another June adventure, have lots of fun 🙂 .

          Liked by 1 person

  2. The ego always craves for something more – some more food, another car, another job, another trip, another life… but it’s up to us to choose; we are in charge. We should not condemn ourselves for those evasive thoughts – those are just options that our mind makes up, like the results from a search engine: it’s up to us to ‘click’ on the links we really care about. Those thoughts are not who we are – with spiritual practice you can learn to not identify with them, which in turn allows you ‘feel’ those influences less…
    Interesting synchronicity: I wrote something along those lines – on the same day – here http://www.sanctuaryofjoy.org/notes/2016/06/07/be-kind-to-yourself/

    Liked by 1 person

  3. No one has the same desires for travel or things to experience. People should do what they want even it it isn’t something that is normally done. There are times when we need to…”beat to our own drum!” Great post.

    Liked by 3 people

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