When You See A Guy Wearing Nothing But His Speedos In the Supermarket…

… You know it must be the height of summer season at the seaside.

There’s always one, I keep reminding myself every summer… that is, if I’m lucky, because there’s a good chance I get to see more than one. Living by the sea certainly comes with lots of perks, but there are several peculiarities one needs to learn to accept as well. If nothing else, you never get to forget that “vacation” is that magical time of year when boundaries get very blurry for most people. It may not always be fun to witness, it might often be maddening, but hey, you learn to live with it!

So there he is, our summertime, vacation loving gentleman, proudly strutting his stuff, pushing a shopping trolley down a supermarket alley. Belly elegantly spilling over his tight, three sizes too small swimsuit, worn flip-flops flipping the delicate grains of sand finally escaping the trap of his hairy ankles, he knows exactly where he needs to be.

“Mommy, mommy, is that man poor?”

The little girl he pushes over in his mad rush to reach the beer isle keeps tugging at her mother’s shirt. Giving the man an angry look, the mother tries to avert her daughter’s eyes and draw her attention away from the testosterone wonder.

“Is he homeless, mommy? Why does he have no clothes? Should we help him?”

Out of the mouths of babes… I smile to the little girl as I walk by pushing my shopping trolley and the mother and I lock eyes, exchanging a knowing look. Damn summer, damn tourists, her exhausted, angry face seems to say.

Two of the security people are rushing, almost running to catch up with the inappropriately clad shopper. I was wondering how he’d managed to get that far. Generally they are stopped at the entrance and politely asked to head back to their vehicles and put on some clothes. That polite – some would say common sense request – is rarely met with a decent, polite response, much less with an apology. Generally, rude comments regarding the fact that it’s summer and it’s a town by the sea are proffered, just like in the case of today’s tourist, who simply refuses to leave without his beer… Who would have thought supermarkets might need to impose a dress code…

How many of these people would behave the same at home, on their way to the pool, I ask myself as I stop to let a lady cross the road. She’s barefoot and all she’s wearing is her bikini and a thick layer of makeup covering her face. Granted, we’re not that far from the beach, and that’s where she seems to be heading… But after seeing another similarly dressed lady who had accessorised her outfit with a pair of flip-flops and a transparent pareo wrapped around her hips walking around in the middle of the town, nowhere near a beach, I can hardly be bothered to notice this one.

I see them every day, coming and going to the beach and I can’t help wondering how they’d react if a throng of almost naked, loud, rude, ill-mannered people invaded their home town all of the sudden. Vacation time is also a time for upside-down, Alice-in-Wonderland type of situations, you soon remember if you have the strange idea of going for a walk and then stop for a drink/meal in the afternoon, in beach adjacent venues. No matter how nice the place may be, there’s a good chance the waiters will have to shoo away some disgruntled guest parading around in their dripping wet swimsuit. You see, now you’re the odd apple, for finding those pesky clothes appropriate. After all, it’s summer, it’s hot and you’re at the seaside! What the hell, live a little!

Now that we’re approaching that moment when we’re going to melancholically look back on yet another summer, I must confess – I don’t, resent them too much… at least not this summer. Once they finally go back home, to their normal lives and normal attire, once we get rid of them after we’re finally done making fun of them, the summer will be over. And I don’t want the summer to be over just yet…

17 Replies to “When You See A Guy Wearing Nothing But His Speedos In the Supermarket…”

    1. Yes, I heard about that. Going to the beach is beginning to be quite a complicated affair these days, laden with so many hidden meanings… We don’t have that problem here yet, people can wear whatever they like, as revealing or concealing as they choose.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ok – let me try again. For some reason I’ve tried to reply twice and neither time would it take. Perhaps the third time is the charm!
    I very much enjoyed reading this! Am reminded of the tale told about the year-long lifetime resident Cape Codders: on the night of Labor Day they hang out their windows and gleefully wave goodbye to all those summer invaders – they have their glorious home back again – to savor its beauty in some semblance of normality.
    And — now I have the picture of this speedo guy in my head like an ear worm song except it’s visual 😜😳. Me thinks I must read some other posts this morning to rid me of this guy!!
    Great writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Third time was a charm 🙂 . Somebody else told me they had the exact same problem last week, so it must not have been fixed yet.
      I’m glad it was a fun read, but I’m sorry you have that bad, bad image stuck in your head now. You definitely need to read some more posts 🙂 .
      I can just see the Cape Codders waving goodbye and breathing a sigh of relief. I managed to be calmer, more indifferent to the invaders this summer, but there have been years when I wished for an early autumn just to see them gone 😉 .

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ha! the image of the shopper was so vivid – and in Florida – many of the stress have signs that say “no shirts, no shoes no service….” but wearing just a speedo – whew…. that is bit much….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or just not enough 😉
      Those are good signs, I like the idea, we could use them during the summer. I remember having seen something like that here when I was a child, a few restaurants had various kinds of notes/signs at the entrance, announcing people they weren’t allowed in wearing nothing but their bathing suits.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. well there are bathing suits and then there are speedos ! ha- very different
        and when I visit certain areas in Florida i can always tell the area by the way certain folks are dressed – for example – one town on east coast of Florida – has lots of older ladies in “daisy dukes” with over tanned skin and just a vibe. but down the coast it is different –
        anyhow – the poor kids that had to see speedo man- ulgh

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s always interesting to notice local colour in the way people behave.
          I think the mother had some explaining to do afterwards, the kid just wouldn’t drop the matter 🙂 . But I imagine she had already seen similar sights on the beach, although it’s not what one might expect to encounter in the supermarket 😉 .

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, awkward. I am sure you see it all. We visit a place that depends on tourism and these sort of incidents explain their contempt for visitors. I’ll admit I’ll run errands (gas and the dump)in my swimsuit and a t-shirt, but not a speedo! I am trying to obliterate the vision from it mind. Enjoy the remnants of summer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your outfit sounds like what would pass for evening attire for Mr. Speedo 😉 . I guess the fact that tourism isn’t the town’s main source of income helps us resent them less. We go on with our everyday life, the way any other big town does and we enjoy the good parts of that which others have access to mainly on vacation. But there are those moments when you just have enough and can’t wait for autumn to arrive 🙂 . Have a nice end of summer too!


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