Monochromatic

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge – This week, share with us your monochromatic images.

It can feel like such an easy, desirable options sometimes – a monochrome life… One colour, no complications, no hidden meaning, no mystery. Yet, when we are presented with such a reality, we take it in, we may even enjoy it for a while – for as long as it takes to rest our weary eyes – but we eventually start craving something else. Any stain of a different colour becomes a desirable alternative – anything to disturb that dull monotony. We need more than shades, we need an entire colour scheme to stay our hunger for adventure and growth, the same way we need a vast array of feelings in order to feel alive.

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Parallel Lives – Sample Fragment 3

When Robert noticed Amalia entering the sun-bathed restaurant, he suddenly became aware that he was hoping she would be the woman he was supposed to meet. He was expecting a girl, but something about her made you think “woman”, in spite of the youthful features of her face. And he realised exactly what it was – she looked cold, on the torrid summer day, she looked cold. The clinging noise of her heals on the wooden floor became louder as she was heading towards his table and he felt he had to find a way to keep her close, at least until he could decipher whatever accounted for that cold layer and what was hidden by the elegant, well-organized, attractive look. The long legs, the slim figure, the poised posture and the beautiful face were an additional incitement, if any such thing was still necessary, and as he stood up to offer her a chair when she was only centimetres away from the table, he could sense her perfume and her cold, silky hand shaking his after the quick, polite introduction. “Expensive” was what came to his mind, and before he had any chance to decipher the implications of that thought, she was speaking to him about the reason why she decided to meet him; but the words he was more focused on were her very first ones.

“Hello, I’m Amalia. I assume our mutual friend already told you a few things about me and my educational background.”

But he was no longer interested in her educational background or in the fact that he had set that meeting to find a girl who would be willing to be his assistant for a few hours a week, for the rest of the summer. Yes, actually, he did want to know things about her background, he thought, but he wanted to know everything about what made her tick. His old, perverted curiosity took over and he realised he wanted to break her down into little bits of information and figure out whether there was indeed something different about her or she was just one of the many who managed to put on a nicely carved facade. She was now talking about her BA and the thesis she was preparing and she suddenly became full of life, so he felt contagiously alive too, like he was back in time, back in his student days, in that far away, quaint university town, where – as it turned out – they had both spent years of their lives, not knowing of each other’s existence, probably not even at the same time. The urge to ask her when exactly she lived there was immediately repressed though, he had no intention of feeling old again, he would hold on to that surge of youth for as long as possible.

For more sample fragments: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/396169

(Dis)Connecting

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: This week, show us how two (or more) things — people, objects, places — come together.

He kept showing her books, one after the other, wanting to know whether she had read them. He would then briefly tell her what each and every one of them was about. You little book snob, you! She should really… But before I was able to find the appropriate punishment for his attitude, I couldn’t help noticing that the two kids were playing out a scene so familiar to me. Not many had ventured out in the sweltering heat that afternoon; and those who had, preferred the beach and the sea to the book fair, so I could quietly observe the two teenagers.

Her answer was invariably no. No, she hadn’t read that one either; no, this one she hadn’t read, but she was going to, she just hadn’t found the time yet. Oh… that one… great, great book, that one… read it – well, not quite, but it was all the same really, she had seen the movie and she absolutely loved it! What, it wasn’t really in the spirit of the book? Well, of course not, it couldn’t have been, it was only a movie after all, but since the movie was good anyway, she couldn’t wait to read the book! Oh, no, no, no… there wasn’t any need for him to lend her the book yet, she wanted to read a few others first… but she would definitely let him know in case she changed her mind.

The two of them had entered the book fair right in front of me and I could see them attacking the shelves and tables with great gusto. Oh, the early days of adolescent love… when you desperately want to know and like everything about the other person… when the emotional/hormonal connection is so strong, that you fool yourself into believing the two of you are connected just as strongly on every other level. (But who am I kidding? That hardly applies to adolescents alone.) He was obviously a voracious reader and he was looking forward to sharing all his thoughts with her, as well as to discovering what her preferences and opinions on the matter were. She was obviously looking forward to discovering and adoring a new side of him; but she hadn’t expected the experience to abruptly reveal a part of her she probably hadn’t considered relevant until then.

Their initial enthusiasm turned into uncomfortable silence. She became silent first, not knowing what to reply to his overwhelming literary tirade. He toned down his discourse, trying to get her to talk. He gave up on showing her books he had read and he started picking up copies of the ones he knew nothing about, reading jacket blurbs or random fragments, joking about the characters and making her laugh. Their connection was almost restored. When she finally reached out to confidently pick up a book, saying, “Look, Osho!”, his face lit up with joy. What did she think about that one, he wanted to know.

“I really love her,” she answered as enthusiastically as she could.

“The author is a guy…” he replied in a low, disappointed tone of voice.

It, it, it, she meant to say “it”; it, the book, it… they have that particular one at home, she browsed through it and she liked it.

I couldn’t help giggling and neither could the lady representing the publishing house selling the book whose author apparently had such a controversial identity. Our eyes met and we exchanged a few amused glances. As expected, the two of them never noticed; since when do adolescents in love notice anything outside their own private world?

Among the thousands of books, the girl was bound to find something she had actually read. Smiling shrewdly, she pointed in the direction of a certain bestseller, wanting to know whether he had read it. After a few evasive attempts, he blushingly confessed to have only seen the movie. The girl proudly handed him a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, suggesting he read it as soon as possible – after all, she had read it and she strongly recommended it. The boy’s cheeks turned fifty shades of red, not knowing what to say or do next.

I buried my nose in a book, doing my best not to burst into laughter. However, it’s probably not a laughing matter that the only book the girl seemed to have read was exactly that one… But the scene in its entirety was altogether more than familiar to me. I have dragged various guys to all sorts of book fairs and book stores over the years. Some of them enjoyed it, others had to focus on not falling asleep. Sometimes it was just a random choice of something to do on a date; many other times, I would do it on purpose. I happen to believe that two people stand more of a chance to get along if they share some core values and have at least a few common interests. History has taught me that I cannot have anything more than a meaningless fling with a man who doesn’t read. Passion might be crucial in establishing a connection, but it takes passion in all its forms in order to maintain it for more than a few moments…

Parallel Lives – Sample fragment 2

Amalia felt there was something of a sociopath lying dormant in both of them, as guilt was mainly a foreign concept in most of the circumstances with which life presented them, at the most mundane level possible. On a large scale, they both had a very acute sense of right and wrong that responded to their personal reasoning regarding the world, people and morals, a sense that suited their open-minded characters, their egotistic needs and their somewhat legal, more abstract rather than moral, view of correctness.

Robert was old, or at least he was old compared to her, but that was not relevant for either one of them when they initially met; just as it made absolutely no difference that he had a wife and a child at home. If anything, these aspects regarding his condition only made him more attractive and Amalia was well-aware that their relation might have ended before having a chance to begin, had he not been the man he was, leading the life he lead. It was time, she decided about five minutes after she met him, it was time to start dating a married man. Date him? Would that be the appropriate phrase for it? She felt it instantly, nothing about it would be what common souls derive from the idea of dating; after all, he was married, there was an age difference and she had no desire to change his status or to manipulate him, so that he would present her with the opportunity of a “normal” role in his life. They would have whatever kind of a relation they both felt like sharing and they would interact on a commitment-free level.

For more sample fragments from Parallel Lives, see: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/396169

Rain on the Water – What a Beautiful Day!

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge – Show us what a good day looks like.

I don’t even like rain. Not normally… The grey, dreary sky and the giant puddle the town tends to become generally depress me. My days of dancing and kissing in the rain are gone – fun as they may have been, I’ve outgrown them years ago. In fact, I was looking forward to spending the whole day in, catching up on my reading and various other things that needed to be done. And then it started to rain… and my vicious, bitchy, vindictive side took over. I wanted to be out there and see the raindrops fall into the sea… but more than everything, I wanted to see their pouty faces, disappointed looks and disoriented demeanour after it had literally rained on their parade. I’m sure many of those living in touristy areas understand my cruel impulse.

To be fair, I normally don’t mind holiday makers, I’m used to the fact that a few months a year the town doesn’t belong to us anymore; instead, it is invaded by people from all over the country, especially during the weekends. The more it caters for tourist, the higher the prices are, the trendier the place becomes. The fast pace becomes faster, yet the traffic becomes slower; finding parking becomes an utopic endeavour, much like finding a table in a restaurant or a pub or even an empty spot on the beach. Living not far from the beach also means that the neighbourhood will be full of tourists renting apartments wherever they can find them, so they could save some money – you’ll often see a large family or two or several young couples renting a small apartment for a few days or even a week or more. Since most of them drive to the seaside, the extremely narrow streets often become inaccessible for both pedestrians and vehicles. There will constantly be people walking up and down the stairs; rarely will a night go by without somebody having a party and unless you switch off your intercom and disconnect your doorbell, you can be sure somebody will wake you up at least once, ringing the wrong apartment, because they forgot which one they’re in.

That being said, I have to admit that I generally enjoy the summer euphoria, I like to hear the noise of the music from beach clubs in the distance late at night, the same way I love to see how alive and fun the area becomes, I like to be part of that lively scene. But there is such a thing as too much; inevitably there comes a moment when enough is enough and for a short while I begrudge all of them, all those hoards of invaders who behave as though the town existed solely for their entertainment, no matter how that might inconvenience those who have to carry on with their daily life here. That generally happens when you cannot get any rest for days because of the noise or when you find your car dinged in the parking lot once too many times or when the latest batch of holiday makers behave like filthy savages and so on, so on, so on…. That’s when you snap and all you want is for them to go home, no matter how well you understand why they’re here or how much you may enjoy everything that constitutes that summertime, seaside atmosphere.

The past two weeks have been all that and more and I hit my breaking point, so when the rain started today, I was filled with sadistic joy. All of the sudden I wanted to be outside and witness their ruined weekend – sweet, sweet revenge! The first bad weather weekend since late June and I’m feeling no empathy whatsoever, on the contrary… Obviously, not many trusted the forecast, they came to the seaside anyway. Driving away, I could see a good number of them heading back from the beach in a hurry, soaking wet, almost running in the cold rain. Ha! Good, take that, you… you… all of you! (Good thing I remember just in time, I’m too old to stick my tongue out at them; I’ve done that in traffic a few years ago and suffice to say, it was not well received.)The stubborn ones don’t give up that easily, that much I have learnt over the years – they came to the seaside to go to the beach and by god, they will go to the beach and stay there until conditions improve. You often see them huddled up under a tree, an umbrella, in a doorway or wherever they can find refuge as close to the beach as possible; they may even have small children with them, but that will not dissuade them. As I keep driving, I’m experiencing a very pleasant feeling – that of taking back my town; but I can’t help noticing that most of them have already found alternative entertainment in pubs, restaurants and other similar places. Oh well… what can you do…

WEEEEEEE!!!!! The massive SUV in front is speeding up and I know exactly why! I’m with him on this one! I know that puddle coming up is more than your usual puddle, it hides a dip in the not at all perfectly executed road, so it’s deeper than you’d expect. The car on the right speeds up as well – some sort of inferiority complex perhaps? He’s constantly been a pest, cutting people off, changing lanes without signalling, speeding up and slowing down for no good reason, nearly running into a pedestrian trying to cross the road. Besides, he’s an out-of-towner and my sympathy is not with him today. The guy in the SUV is about to teach him a lesson and today I can’t blame him. A swift swish and a wave of water as high as the vehicle washes over the car on our right. He slows down considerably, suddenly suspicious of what other puddles might hide. I laugh with childish pleasure. We are still children at heart, aren’t we? We just don’t jump into puddles anymore, we simply speed up and drive through them…

It’s still raining when I get to the place I had in mind from the very beginning. I was hoping for a calm sea, so I could stare at the raindrops disturbing it’s surface. That’s clearly not the case, but the view is still nice. I’m not the only one who needed to be out on such weather, people are taking in the show from the comfort of their parked cars. I am however among the few going out in the wind and rain in order to take some pictures of the waves breaking against the rocks, practically almost under our feet… or wheels? As I go right by the rail separating us from the sea, the boys in the car next to mine are laughing with anticipation. I suspect bets having been made on how long before it happened. I can’t blame them, I would have done the same. I know what they’re hoping for. More than once I’ve seen waves breaking against the rocks, the water soaking people close to the rail and the hoods of the cars stopped where mine is. I chose the moment wisely though – oh, I really hope I did, I really hope so… Yes, that’s right, I’ve taken my pictures, no wave having washed over me in the process, so I can smugly take the few steps back to my car. Not today, boys, not today! 🙂

It’s a pleasant sensation when raindrops and sea water blend, the wind spreading them in your hair, all over your face… I had forgotten that. Good thing I’m wearing waterproof mascara though, or the memory could have become unpleasant. Ok… the boys are getting disturbingly friendly yelling and waving at me from their car… Time for me to go!

Deserted beaches with closed umbrellas and drenched chaise-longues – what a beautiful sight! I know I’m not going to feel the same in a few weeks when summer really is over, when everything changes within a couple of days – one day they’re here, invading the beaches, suffocating the town, the next they’re gone, not to return until next summer. That’s the first sign that it’s officially and unavoidably autumn. That can be a depressing conclusion for somebody who doesn’t like rainy, dreary weather. I know I’m not going to like it then. But what a pleasant sight it is today…

 

Parallel Lives – Sample Fragment 1

The buzzing sound of the plane engines and the milky view of the clouds with the protruding mountain peaks below failed to provide her with their usual sleepy serenity. Relinquishing control of her life and relying on the mysterious laws of physics to transport her exactly where she needed to be had been replaced by frantic panic, as her fingernails were deeply embedded in the window seat from the beginning of a flight which would normally allow her to spend some of the calmest hours of her existence. She had to make use of all her self-control to complete the boarding procedures and to maintain her resolution of going through with her trip, but she felt the plane would take her nowhere this time – it had occurred to her that she was only drifting, she never really had a clear idea where any of the planes would take her, she was just spinning in a circle, in the vague hope that access to the right flight would eventually be gained, by chance or by mistake. And as she felt falling deeper and deeper, she couldn’t help wondering why she kept leaping from one flight to another, as none of them had proven to be the right one.

For more sample fragments from Parallel Lives, see: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/396169

A Day at The Museum

WordPress Photo Challenge: What is your inspiration? What moves you? What is it that never fails to motivate you, to get you going, or make you happy? Show me your inspiration!

 

“I paint what I see, sometimes like this, sometimes like that. I don’t brood about it, or experiment. If I have something to say, I say it the way I think I need to. There’s no transitional art. There are only good artists and not so good artists.”

Pablo Picasso

We found parking without an effort. That was the second ominous sign. The first one was the lack of the usual crowd in front of the doors. By the time we reached the imposing building, I was already sure it would be close. I had obviously perpetrated some kind of indecency to anger the Museum Gods and now they were refusing me the Prado… again.

I had been to Madrid before, but there hadn’t been enough time to visit the museum back then. This time, it would be different, I knew that – I would have plenty of time to do everything I wanted. But I was envisioning that visit to the Prado from the moment I started planning the trip. I could just see myself getting lost on the hallways, wondering from one gallery to another, unable to take in everything, but completely dizzy, floating because of that kind of experience which – instead of understanding it – you mostly feel exquisitely drowning your mind and spirit. That kind of place always makes me feel small – but small in the greatest way possible. I feel compelled to swallow some of my ego and pride. That avalanche of immortality and beauty makes me feel like a huge burden has been lifted, even if only for a brief period of time – if I am so wonderfully small, that can only mean that all my failures are absolutely insignificant, disguised by that comfortable blanket of anonymity.

I wanted to treat myself to that delicious sensation you get when opening a gift you just know is going to be wonderful. So I refused to look up the schedule – I knew it was a local holiday, but I greatly underestimated its importance. After all, I also knew the museum was open at the weekend and on most religious holidays, so they wouldn’t close it exactly that day… or would they? Well… all I can say is I wasn’t the only one naïve enough not to look it up in advance. All my anticipation turned into stifled frustration, I felt like stomping my feet and bitching and moaning about that great unfairness. I wanted my day at the museum; and once I set my mind on something, there’s no distracting me from it, not to mention that I can hardly perceive anything else as appealing. But a certain someone accompanying me had a head start on throwing his own tantrum, so at least one of us had to behave as an adult; sadly it was my turn that day. After all, it was too beautiful an afternoon to waste pouting. We came back a few days later and we finally managed to visit the elusive museum. There was even a very special treat in store for us, and although it was no longer a surprise, it was by no means less pleasant.

Travel as much as you can, see as much as you can; nobody will ever be able to take that away from you. That’s one of the not so many wise pieces of advice my mother gave me and it came to my mind that day, while staring thunderstruck at those Picasso’s the Prado was hosting temporarily. The entire experience proved to be overwhelming, as expected; the anticipation of getting to see some of Picasso’s paintings did nothing but enhance it.

I took my time to appreciate those moments. Nevertheless I was reluctant to leave.  The kid I once was, the one who didn’t dare to dream of seeing such treasures with her own eyes, was jumping up and down with joy. There are certain dreams – great and small alike – that we forget we had, simply because we buried them somewhere deep in our soul out of fear or uncertainty. Yet,  making them come true can be so surprisingly fulfilling…

Looking Up Close

Weekly Photo Challenge: This week, discover the hidden details that can only be seen up close.

“Please don’t put on your glasses again, Miss… we’ll fix it all.”

Gone was the smug look of male superiority on his face. It was my turn to smirk smugly at the both of them.

This was years ago, in my early twenties. I knew the two painters were by far not the best in the business, but they were all I could afford at the time and the living room really needed a fresh coat of paint; besides, I also knew that they could to a decent job of it, if approached the right way. There were some issues with the walls, as I had found out during a previous attempt to do the job myself, with the help of some friends. As I was trying to point out what those issues were and why I needed their professional help, I was rudely interrupted by a bored sigh and a know-it-all, you’re-just-a-woman-who-has-no-clue misogynistic eye roll. They knew better what needed to be done, I should just run along and do my nails or whatever it was we women did when the men were working. I smiled, said nothing and let them do the work I – the little, clueless woman – was paying them to do (but only when the job was done).

Later on, I was surprised to hear they had finished already… that is, just in time, with no delay. But I wasn’t at all surprised to see what a terrible job they had done and I started pointing out the flaws, one by one. The first couple of flaws pointed out triggered disgruntled comments and useless justifications. I kept on pointing out the rest of them, taking my glasses off once in a while so I could look the older one in the eyes as I was explaining why everything was wrong and how it could have been avoided, had they paid attention to me in the first place. They were finally quiet as I kept looking up close at the badly painted walls, mentioning even the smallest of flaws. Meanwhile I had also done my due diligence and knew exactly how they were supposed to have done their job and I didn’t shy away from telling them. That was the point where I was reaching for my glasses again, about to go hunting for more of their mistakes. Please don’t put on your glasses again, Miss… They had capitulated and after they redid everything, they were finally quiet, demurred and probably as respectful as they could ever be to a woman, especially a young one. Nothing good could come out of my putting on my glasses and taking a closer look, they had figured out. Funny enough, those were my compute glasses, I really didn’t need them in order to instantly see everything that was wrong.

Many things may have changed ever since, but more often than not taking a close look only reveals all the flaws, all the ugliness we sometimes wish we could not see. I’m guilty of being an overly analytic, overly realistic person and contact lenses on or not, I unwillingly, instinctively notice discrepancies, deception, double meanings, hidden layers, lies, pretence, ugliness masquerading as virtue, even if I try to focus on anything else. In my worst moments, I simply cannot believe that anything or anyone is what they appear to. The rest of the time, I just take things as they come, refusing to accept that it’s all nothing more than constant deception, simply so I could occasionally get some sleep at night.

I have an eye for details and I cannot help constantly taking a close look at things, people, situations… at myself. The one advantage such deviant behaviour presents is the acknowledgement that absolutely everything is flawed, even damaged, at times even ugly or simply empty. Perfection is a mere illusion easily dissipated by close analysis – the same way beautiful flowers are often crawling with unappealing insects, that wonderful family, that perfect couple, that amazing person whose life we often envy or wish we could have are hiding messy existences, full of unpleasantness or despair. It only takes one close look to make the façade crumble…

 

Thin Dividing Line

Weekly Photo Challenge: This week, share an image that has two clear halves, literally or figuratively.

The little girl kept following us and the more I felt her big, strange eyes trying to drill into our souls, the more I couldn’t help wondering at which point exactly we had crossed that shallow, invisible line dividing our worlds…

The place isn’t far, maybe an hour’s drive, but it has little in common with the seaside madness my town becomes every summer. And even the fickle heart of the holidaymaker seeking endless entertainment, forgetfulness and temporary distraction from everyday life needs a moment or two to breathe and recover, away from overpopulated beaches, loud terraces and crowded trendy clubs. Yes, I knew such a place, somewhere we could go and spend a little while hearing ourselves and each other, a place where we could lose ourselves in a different time… I knew a very nice spot, just right for an afternoon’s getaway.

It wasn’t the first time I was visiting that historically laden, yet entirely ignored place; but I have no idea where on the bumpy, bad road lies the border between our world and that to which the little girl belongs. It might be where the decent layer of asphalt ends; or when you enter the first village… or maybe the second… or when you drive by the rusty sign introducing the stranger to her village. I know this type of village for long enough in order to be aware of all the innocence lost and lack of romanticism of the rural community. Yet there still are times when I’m taken by surprise and two strange eyes manage to pierce through my cynical shell and make me wonder and re-evaluate basic issues of my own existence.

She appeared out of nowhere as soon as we got out of the car… a child of the trees, daughter of water. No, a real girl, a child of misfortune and poverty – nothing poetic about her untold drama. She muttered something without getting too close; I think she offered to be our guide on the river banks. I knew the place, I declined her offer, because my overly realistic, cynical, cautious mind had already come up with various ways in which we could have ended up on the bottom of the river, to never be herd of again. She looked neither happy, nor sad, her sunburnt face gave away nothing.

She was spying on us and I was spying on her. She kept walking when we walked, stopping when we stopped, constantly muttering to herself or perhaps to the grass, to the flowers or to the birds; but her eyes were scrutinizing us with great curiosity whenever she thought we weren’t looking. When we walked away from the car, she walked around it a few times – my perfectly average, nothing out of the ordinary car passes for a sign of luxury in such a village, that much I know. Like any girl her age, she was eyeing our outfits, our accessories and our smartphones as we kept taking pictures. Unlike children her age that we grew accustomed to, the hills, the river and the hardships of fieldwork and rural life were her second nature, not technology and endless trips to the mall. Does a child like her even dare to dream of a normal life? Or are her dreams so little that they wouldn’t even count as aspirations on our value scale?

Seeing her eyes look away as soon as she realized I was analysing her reminded me once more that we aren’t even born equal, much less do we have equal chances to overcome our initial condition. I know people who have children her age and they make unbelievable efforts to provide them with the best education and everything they need to have a good start in life, to stand a chance… How much of a chance does this kid stand when her parents allow her – probably make her – go troll for tourists and increase the family budget? Did she even know what she was missing? The way she smiled carelessly at the birds and flowers and spoke to the waves made me think she had no idea that there was more to life than what she had experienced; she was still a child who could enjoy little things in ways we couldn’t even imagine. But the way she looked so much older whenever she was focusing on something could only make me believe that either her intuition makes her feel what lies ahead or she had already survived experiences no child her age ever should know.

Will she break the cycle? Will she be able to make it out of that world, in spite of her lack of fortune and perspectives cast upon her from the moment she was born? Or will she simply continue the century old tradition in the poor village – have children at a very young age, get married even younger, allow herself and her children to be abused by a drunken husband because nobody taught her there are other ways of life out there? Maybe she could be amongst those few incredibly lucky village children who stay in school, who have parents who manage to see the importance of education even if nobody offered them such a chance. Or perhaps her father is just one of the many men who were sitting around the tables and drinking in front of the village pub we had driven by on the way to the river… one of those men who drink the little money they have, with no remorse about what that type of behaviour does to their families.

We left the town to escape our lives for a few hours and that we did… but wild nature was not the only thing to make us think twice about our values and appreciate our own lives and opportunities. It’s the wilderness of people and the cruelty of poverty in a place that – in many respects – seems to still live in the 19^th century that really makes one wonder… Easy as it may be to distinguish the dividing line between water and clouds, between land and sky, that thin, oscillating line between worlds stays well hidden most of the times, we only perceive its existence once we cross it.

Not Just Flowers…

WP Weekly Photo Challenge – This week, share a symbol with us, and tell us what it means to you.

Warning: gentlemen (and not only) with strong feelings against the trivial habit of offering flowers are kindly asked to avert their eyes. Judgemental lady used to and adoring to receive flowers at work!

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I am, have been and always will be a spoilt brat this way – flowers are more than an assortment of colourful plants with a price tag that you throw in a vase, on an empty corner of your desk. Those who know me also know they are both a symbol and a token for me, mere proof that no matter how difficult a struggle life might become, I can still find it in me to surface for a breath of air and a glimpse of beauty… and that as long as there is somebody willing and caring enough to offer me that small source of joy, all is not lost.

We find that sort of comfort and fleeting happiness in various things and places and we are all entitled to like what we like and want what we want. So with the risk of upsetting some of you, I will admit that one way or another, the one thing all the men that have been wrong for me had in common was their inability or unwillingness to offer me flowers. That particular, apparently trivial need of mine would not be the only one they would disregard or write off as irrelevant simply because they felt differently about the subject. Lack of respect comes in all shapes and sizes; and purposely refusing to make a small gesture that would bring pleasure to the one next to you counts as disrespectful, even mean to me. What can I say, I do a lot of reading between the lines and I instinctively find meaning in symbols and the gestures accompanying them. Call me a shallow, crazy, materialistic bitch if you so choose, but I simply appreciate a man who pays attention, enjoys seeing me happy and knows that offering is about the recipient and their affinities, not about the giver and their preferences.

Yes, I know, I know, there’s something terribly wrong with me in order to have such unrealistic expectations and standards. 🙂 But I am beyond redemption, I have been spoilt rotten from an early age. I remember there was this boy whose mother always gave him a big bunch of spring flowers to offer the girls in our class and to the teachers. Her job had something to do with a greenhouse and that’s where she got the flowers for free. So every morning for a couple of weeks in spring, my friends and I – all the girls he liked or even tolerated in the class – found flowers on our desks when we got to school. He was terribly shy and that’s why he did his best to get to school before all of us; when we confronted him, he could barely find his words and he’d turn all red. It was still a very sweet gesture though, and so was he. And he wasn’t the only one, as I have mentioned before – we were quite used to the boys offering us flowers on various occasions, such as Valentine’s Day.

This type of bad behaviour was further enabled by the boys I dated as a teenager, including my high school boyfriend. Yes, horror of horrors, I kept receiving flowers on my birthday and on various other special occasions. But what I remember most fondly is how we used to sneak into the botanical garden at night, sometimes only the two of us, other times our entire group of friends. The guards were mostly asleep in their quarters and they only had surveillance cameras at the main entrance those days, so we had the whole place to ourselves. Even in those rare when our presence was discovered, they were too sleepy and bored to even try and catch us. So at the end of May and in June I’d always go home with a selection of beautiful roses that my boyfriend would pick for me… 🙂

As you can imagine, I haven’t improved over the years. I have a long, complicated, sometimes frustrating, other times exquisitely beautiful history with flowers, both when it comes to giving and receiving them. When a friend of mine turned 20, I gave her a bouquet of 20 of her favourite flowers. Her boyfriend was terribly offended by my gesture, while she was moved to tears. He was trying to teach her a lesson – flowers were a token of consumerism and materialism and he was not going to indulge such tendencies in a woman. He would have rather basked in her sadness and disappointment than have her receive flowers from somebody, anybody… I could see his face darken with anger when he noticed how much joy the flowers brought her.

Don’t get me wrong, uncomfortable as many of you, gentlemen, might be with the topic, I find that many of you deserve to receive flowers once in a while from us as well – if you like this sort of thing, of course. I was 4 or 5 when I first offered flowers to a man. It was the first ballet show I went to see with my mother and at the end I was sent to offer a big bouquet of gladiolas to the prima ballerina, who was a family friend. Instead I gave the flowers to her dance partner and husband. He had been equally amazing and I remember wondering why nobody was giving him flowers.

I also remember he was taken by surprise and asked me if I didn’t mean to give her the gladiolas. I shook my head with determination. Men often feel unconformable, even offended if a woman offers them flowers, I noticed over the years. So I will only offer a man flowers if I know for a fact he wouldn’t mind it. But I must say, I had lots of fun offering flowers to all the male teachers at the end of high school, given the diverse reactions that gesture triggered. We decided to be open-minded and progressive that year and our class offered flowers to all the teachers, regardless of their gender. One of the boys would offer them to the ladies; the task of dealing with the men fell on me. Some of them were amused and pleasantly surprised; others were at a loss for words, not at all at ease with the unforeseen situation; only one of them was downright rude, mentioning that our youth and inexperience was no excuse for mistaking him for a woman… He immediately made a grand exit, leaving the room in a huff, in genuine drama queen style. But the general consensus was that it was about time the men got some attention as well.

That’s what it comes down to – attention, respect and appreciation. A token that somebody cares enough to listen and then to transform their appreciation for me into a gesture, that’s what flowers are as far as I am concerned. They don’t need to be expensive or come from the trendiest florists; they just need to be alive, that’s all it takes to say ‘I thought I’d surprise you,’ or ‘I know this day is special to you, even if it might not be equally so to me’. And when I decide to cheer myself up or simply brighten my day and my home with some flowers, for no other reason other than because I feel like it, it’s also a reminder of rougher days and how today’s small treats should not be taken for granted; instead I should fight human nature and appreciate them.  So let’s stop and smell the roses for a moment or two, because flowers are never just flowers.

Muse… Or a Month of Doing Nothing

What’s your muse — what subject do you turn to frequently, more inspired each time?

Well…. Maybe not a whole month… and maybe not exactly nothing…

Just a couple of weeks… Sipping Sangria in Spain and then coming back home to burry my toes in the sand…

I’d gladly burry my head in the sand these days, but it’s been pointed out to me that people my age don’t do that. So my toes will have to take it this time. And what a nice feeling it is… It’s funny how little time I spend sunbathing each year, in spite of how much I love to be on the beach. I would do better, I’ve decided at some point in June. I’d take a break, as much of a break that can be taken from real life, and just be lazy, just be with myself… and do nothing for anybody. I’m selfish these days and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I don’t want to hear anybody complain for a while; I don’t want to deal with anyone’s problems. Family, friends and acquaintances will have to handle everything on their own – if I can, so can they. That’s it, the ‘Gone to the Beach’ sign is up and I don’t care what anybody has to say about it 🙂 .

Easier said than done… and I’m the main obstacle, as it turns out. I’m not one to sit still, stare at the sky through her sunglasses and do nothing for hours and hours. But once you manage to break apart from the routine, once you manage to pull yourself away from all the little distractions, it’s really worth it. Leaving my phone home was both the most challenging and the most helpful part of it. It took instinctive fumbling through my bag every 5 minutes in order to realize that I hadn’t left home without my phone in years… who can remember how many? I got over most of the withdrawal symptoms in an hour or so and I could finally relax. And part of the relaxation was enjoying a good book and taking handwritten notes on an old notebook I found and threw in my beach bag just in case. It felt a bit like those days I used to go to the beach and study for exams as a student… only better. It’s always better when a well-behaved waiter serves you cold drinks once in a while… even if they are non-alcoholic ones, since you still have to drive back home. But hey, nothing’s perfect, right?

By my third day on the beach, I was confident that I could take my phone with me because I wanted to, not because I needed to. And what I wanted was simply to take a few pictures. Then it went back in the bag, internet connection disabled and ringing tone muted until the time I made it back home.

Every summer I’m making myself the same promise, that of spending a bit more time by myself on the beach, baking in the afternoon sun or splashing around in the waves, the way I used to do once. Something always gets in the way. Let’s see how it goes this summer. So far, the time allotted to doing nothing and caring about nobody’s issues but my own worked out well. I’ve even managed to be lazy and this post is proof of that – I’ve been meaning to write it since Friday 🙂 .

Have a beautiful month of July, all of you! I hope we all manage to find something to inspire us this summer.

A Sea of Off-Season Feelings

Umbrellas in winter? Balaclavas in July? Show us what “off-season” means to you.

Endless, lazy summer months spent at the seaside as a child made me take it for granted. The sea was there, it was that place you returned to as soon as the summer holiday started, to only go back home at the end of August. Not only did I not think too much about it or consider myself lucky, I was often bored with it. What, didn’t all kids my age feel the same? Didn’t they all see it my way? Well, I couldn’t care less whether they did or not. By mid-July I would already be sick and tired of forced happiness and socialization. The constant repetition of what other experienced for a few days, maybe a week or two at most, was getting to be exhausting; so the older I got, the harder I worked on reducing my summer seaside ‘sentence’.

I’m sure there were children out there with a deep understanding of nature and of those pitfalls of human emotion and it must have been those children who wandered what the sea looked like in winter. Since I was definitely not that gifted, I neither wondered, nor cared about it – the sea and its conundrums were something to be dealt with in the summer and I was not going to worry about it beforehand.

My eyes first met the grey hues of the winter sea when I was a teenager – and it was one of those profound revelatory feelings that only a teenager can fully experience. I would go for a walk, I told everybody, I wanted to see the sea. I knew they wouldn’t say no, I had done my part and kept up appearances, the way I was supposed to; I hadn’t asked for anything the entire time and I knew such a I wouldn’t be refused such small demand favour. After all, I wasn’t the only one who needed to keep up appearances, the adults had to do the same and I knew I could ask for anything at that point. But much as the angry teenager wanted to take advantage of their moment of weakness, I couldn’t overcome my pride and self-respect – I wanted to gain nothing from that particular context. I would play my part, but I wanted nothing in return. Nothing but a few moments alone, walking on the beach in the cold breeze, so I could gather my thoughts.

Knowing exactly when, how, why and which appearances needed to be maintained in society was almost instinctive behaviour in our family – that’s probably why my timing was always impeccable when choosing to misbehave and be nothing more than my outspoken self. However, that particular trip at the seaside would not be such a time, as the entire family was playing the appearance game.

I could hear the roar of the waves before I could see them and once I felt the compact wet sand under my boots, I could finally relax. I could finally breathe, even if the frozen, salty air hurt my lungs. The strong wind was something I hadn’t experienced before, but neither that, nor the several patches of snow on the sand felt out of place. The sea was rough, loud and grey – no pretence, no mask, no pretty, sweet summer delight – a force of nature through its own unpleasant, lonely honesty. For the first time in days I could feel my face muscles relax as the pressure of false, socially acceptable smiles and looks dissipated. Being myself, whatever that might have meant, was not only acceptable, but advisable; and for the first time ever I was able to acknowledge and accept that the sea was part of my soul – that grey, wild see, whose roar was the most calming noise I had ever heard. As I was finally walking away, the frozen wind lashing my face, I felt serene, at peace with myself and everybody else. I knew would miss that view. But I also knew somehow, eventually, I had to find my way back not only to that place, but to that sort of inner peace.

Those moments of tranquility don’t last long, I learnt over the years… at least not for me, I’m not that kind of person. But I still go and stare at the sea – especially at the deserted, grey, off season sea – whenever I need to clear my mind.

Vividly Coloured Early Summer Delights

The theme for this week’s photo challenge is “Vivid.” Perhaps it’s your favorite flower in full bloom, a beautiful sunset or the color of your ice cream. Vivid is limited only by your imagination.

 

I’m a seaside person. I’m a summer person. There’s something about those early summer days that makes me feel alive and empowered. No matter how sad and depressed I might occasionally be or how unsuccessful some endeavours might turn out to be, the end of May and beginning of June always bring back that childish feeling that everything is possible. It’s that time of year which makes me feel restless, it makes me want to try everything and anything, because I couldn’t possibly fail; and if the improbable were to happen, I wouldn’t even care, because I know I can survive it. Yes… it’s a good time to be and feel alive.

I suppose a small part of me is entirely incapable and unwilling to grow up – the same way Christmas is a time of miracles, summer is a time of possibilities, as it used to be when those early June days of my childhood made me almost smell the salty air of the summer holiday. The first strawberries and cherries were delicious treats, sweet emissaries of the lazy, happy days to come. They still are – the real ones, the local, imperfect, amazingly tasty ones, not the properly fertilized, plastic looking ones we can find all year long.

That’s the taste of childhood, even if I no longer even think about how it would be like to pick them myself, somewhere in a remote garden in the countryside. My heels would certainly not agree with that sort of activity anymore… We didn’t spend too much time thinking about our shoes when we were children, did we? I didn’t grow up in the country or in a small town, but fortunately my childhood wasn’t controlled by technology either. Books, real people, real friends and spending as much time outside as possible were amongst my main concerns. And I remember this one thing – early summer meant the first cherries, which meant the first scraped knees. They also meant the nurses from the nearby clinic would have fresh, new reasons for aggravation and somewhat hysterical fits. Ironically enough, it wasn’t because we were their impatient patients, but because we were little, bratty perpetrators of a very unusual type of theft. The two cherry trees growing in the clinic’s backyard would always become an irresistible temptation as soon as we could spot the red dots amongst the leaves. They were fair game, we thought; after all, many of their branches were hanging over the clinic’s decorative fence, right above our playground. The nurses coming out for a smoke would inevitably catch us each and every time we climbed the trees in what we thought to be sneaky attempts to pick as many of the little red treats as we could. We always managed to get away before they could get their angry hands on us, but we certainly got to learn quite a few curse words that way; and few things make you appreciate life and freedom as running away from a nurse chasing after you on with a broomstick…

Our pursuer eluded, we’d calm down and divide the spoils of our escapade. There was not one of us who didn’t have a ball full of nice, cold cherries waiting in the fridge, we could have just gone home to have some of the fruit our parents were struggling to get us to eat; but what was the fun in that? No fruit ever tasted as good as the cherries we’d steal from the trees behind the clinic, even when some of them were still green. Thinking back, I can’t even tell what we enjoyed more, stealing cherries or annoying the nurses… It was that mix of the two that provided us with just the right amount of adrenaline, I suppose. While we never stole any actual thing, we had very sticky hands when it came to fruit and flowers (lots of the older ladies enjoyed planting flowers in the small gardens in front of our apartment buildings, and we enjoyed triggering reactions similar to those the nurses had). We eventually understood the nurses’ anger – they simply wanted to pick the cherries themselves and take them home once their shift was over. That only made us more adamant in our attempts to steal as many as possible before the nurses could get their hands on them… and us.

It was during such an incursion that we finally started differentiating between doctors and nurses. Just as we were getting ready to flee after noticing the authority figures coming out and lighting their cigarettes, we experienced the shock of our lives – not only were the two doctors dressed differently than the nurses, but they started laughing and told us to take our time, have as many cherries as we wanted, and be careful not to hurt ourselves in the process. Just try not to break too many branches, you do want to have cherries next year too, right? Well, we certainly were not prepared for that, we had no idea what to do with ourselves anymore. An angry nurse immediately started yelling at us from a first floor window, but few children felt a similar affection for doctors as we did, when the two replied, ‘They’re just kids, let them be…’ Yes, we were just kids, therefore everyone involved in the medical profession was the devil as far as we were concerned; but that was the moment we started doubting the veracity of our conviction. Like I said, summer was the time for new experiences and discovering hidden meanings of everyday life.

I am not naïve, I’ve had plenty of years to learn that the mirage of summer is often just that – an unfilled promise of happiness; enthusiasm dies out sooner or later and exhaustion takes over; dreams often become nightmares. This is why I try to enjoy and make the best of that early summer empowering feeling that I get with the smell and taste of the first strawberries and cherries. While life is certainly no ball of perfect genetically engineered, fertilized cherries, displayed in optimal light, it might actually be a handful of cherries grabbed in a hurry from a not particularly cared for tree in a remote village. You open your hand and see what you managed to make away with – there are some pits in there too, a few green cherries, some rotten ones, even a couple of leaves in between, and you can only hope that those deliciously ripe ones, the ones that are naturally perfect and delightful, are enough to make it worth it and keep you going.

Broken… But Not Beyond Repair

This week, capture something broken.

Renovation… Restoration… These notions don’t apply only to buildings, do they? We all too often undergo a process of renewal ourselves, we try to repair broken parts of our being, we piece together shards of our soul, our hopes and dreams, in desperate attempts to become what we had been ‘before’. Such an intimate struggle is often best kept hidden from prying eyes, we need time and privacy to recover.

Do they think they’re fooling anyone? That’s the question I heard from many people when passing buildings covered in an image of what they looked like and/or what they would look like once all the repair works are carried out. I know they’re joking, the same way I know they know nobody is expected to mistake an image on a panel for the real thing; and often enough, when I’m deeply involved in my own life and thoughts, I don’t even pay attention to these walls about to be fixed. But when the building is a special one or when I’m in a melancholic mood, I can’t help but wondering, how many times do we manage to piece ourselves together as discretely as we might think do? And when those around seem not to notice, how often is it out of respect for our privacy and how often is it mere indifference?

We develop acting skills we aren’t always aware of; and we need our masks, so underneath them we can take our time and restore our true, broken selves. Like many women, I am well-versed in applying my ‘mask’, and that is also because it can be that actual first step towards feeling better and getting better. Think about it, ladies… Dark circles, puffy eyes, pale skin and any other sign betraying sleepless nights, tears, disappointment and pain have been and will be concealed by our expert touch countless times, simply because we don’t want to answer any questions, we don’t always need to share our hurt – be it superficial or of the deepest kind – before we are ready to do it. Once the mirror projects an image closer to that version of us we like, once we are done practicing our relaxed, carefree smile until we have once again perfected it, we might even feel a shiver of relief and budding confidence – yes, if that small part of who we are can be fixed, then perhaps we can do the same with our entire being. So we continue the process, not only to hide our suffering from others, but to give ourselves hope and confidence that we are going to get over yet another bump in the road. We go on and wear that special outfit, so that when we look in the mirror we see the person we want to be and not the mess that we might be at that particular moment and we are a little bit grateful that at least we still have control over some things.

Some might call it shallow pretence, but small things do make a difference. After all, we fix what’s broken the way we know best, we make use of whatever small things work for us. We might simply need a boost, we might have to entirely rebuild or reinvent ourselves, we have our own more or less controversial ways of achieving it, but there are times when we want nobody to witness our struggle. Certain broken parts can be fixed, but time and privacy might be required – hence the cover-up, it just makes it easier. The worthy ones will see beyond the ‘screen’ anyway.

Forces of Nature… Or of Human Nature When Travelling

This week, share a force of nature from your corner of the world.

I managed to get to my window seat without anybody stepping on my feet; there was plenty of room for my carry on bag; there were no screaming children seated close by; and the gentleman seated next to me appeared to be a very civilized, polite person. I sighed with relief – all these aspects were nothing but miraculous, given the chaos of people boarding what was obviously going to be a full Airbus A310. There was still hope, I could enjoy the flight, I could relax and empty my mind while staring at the clouds – yes, I know, I have all too often bored everybody with my predilection for seeing the wonders of nature from above. I could even take a nap – I was exhausted after all. As it turns out, it was indeed a good opportunity to ponder on the wonders of nature… of human nature when travelling, that is…

Has it ever struck you how people undergo a radical metamorphosis when traveling, especially if they are on vacation? We often resemble a swarm of locusts rather than the civilized individuals we embody in our day to day life. Yes, I am aware of the psychological factors, but that doesn’t mean observing this manifestation is any less fascinating. We eat and drink everything and anything, dishes and beverages that we wouldn’t even touch at home. We wear the most ridiculous outfits either because they are more than comfortable, or because we have some distorted, cliché ideas about what we should wear in a particular place. But it’s allowed when travelling, right? And let’s not even get into all those ridiculous souvenirs that we buy, only to wander what we were thinking when we get back home. I admit I also have a couple of tacky fridge magnets which make me doubt my general sanity… Somehow, travelling makes most of us more desperate to consume everything that’s available, from food and entertainment to art and culture.

The trip isn’t really over until we get off the plane, so the flight time is the final occasion to let our inner locust thrive. But while many of my travel fellows were restlessly looking forward to their snacks and beverages, I was contemplating going to sleep. The view out the window wasn’t too impressive, I didn’t feel like reading and my inner locust draws the line at airplane food, since I am a picky eater even if I am travelling. I knew I had to wait until they were done with their food, the unappetizing smell of the warm meal and the noise were going to keep me awake. But who knew the travel habits of the gentleman sitting next to me would keep me awake too?…

He was clearly very interested in his appearance – a man in his early fifties probably, in good shape and neatly dressed in his casual designer clothes, to which he had matched a rather expensive watch and a very nice pair of shoes. Thus I wasn’t at all prepared for what followed…

The flight attendant served us our lunch and as usual, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I didn’t even want to see the unappetizing dish on the folding table in front of me. So I thanked her politely and thought I could eat the chocolate bar and have a glass of orange juice. After all, there are people starving in the world… but since I couldn’t figure out how my consuming that awfully smelling meal would help them, I didn’t touch the rest. While I couldn’t help a grimace of disgust, my neighbour asked for a glass of wine, a glass of apple juice and a glass of water, which he carefully aligned next to the food tray. After almost inhaling the questionable meat and whatever gooey things accompanied it, scraping the dish clean, he moved on to the bread roll… which presented a certain cardboard-like quality. With expert moves, he spread the small lump of butter in a thin layer and even the crumbs were gone in record time. I would imagine slightly buttered cardboard makes one very thirsty, so this is probably why the gentleman proceeded to drink from the carefully aligned glasses – apple juice, wine, some more juice, water and so on, until no drop was left in any of them. Just as I was watching him with the corner of my eye, thinking he had nothing left to devour, he made one final discovery – there was a bit of jam he hadn’t seen before. In a matter of seconds, everything had been scooped out of the minuscule plastic container. In a fit of restraint, he set aside the chocolate bar, so he could have it with the cup of instant coffee and with that of hot tea the flight attendant served after the meal. True enough, she did ask, “Coffee or tea?”; but when our gentleman replied, “Both,” she chose not to debate it any further.

Now I can finally go to sleep, I figured, once the trash had been collected. I was just dozing off when a somewhat familiar rattling noise brought me back to reality. It was time for my neighbour to check his finances, obviously – he had taken an impressive amount of coins out of his man purse and now he was counting them diligently on the folding table. Lots of five cent pieces, I couldn’t help noticing… Once that little task was performed, he could finally find some peace of mind and move on to taking a little after lunch nap. Good, that meant I could sleep too.

He’s chocking, was the first thought to cross my sleepy mind some ten minutes later. No, not chocking, just snoring… And to think I had assumed peace and quiet were guaranteed just because there were no screaming children around… Luckily, there were still things to be consumed, so he didn’t sleep for long. Once awake, the ladies’ issue of the airline’s magazine received his undivided attention, so I could take a blissful half an hour nap. It was an overwhelming aftershave fragrance and some unexplainable warmth that woke me up this time. I opened my eyes to see the fashionable gentleman leaning over me, only a few centimetres away, staring at the clouds, his forehead close to the window. I cleared my throat and my angry glance made him sit down and stare at his shoes for a while. Well, I was certainly awake and since sleep was no longer an option, I started analysing the oddities of human nature when traveling… I suppose they need to be referred to as eccentricities when it comes to certain people…

And speaking of eccentric individuals… after another nap, our gentleman proceeded to entertain himself with the other magazine the airline had so generously provided him with. For my final delight, he took interest in the map showing all the flights and destinations of the airline we were flying. And that’s when it happened. A strip of paper found its way out of my neighbour’s bag and after a brief, yet careful analysis of both the map and the paper, he started measuring. Yes, the width of the paper became a measuring unit, allowing him to roughly calculate the length of various routes on the map…

I tried to immerse myself in the grandeur of nature and life unfolding under us as the plane started to descend. Humans have managed to tame and control forces of nature in many situations so far. How do we tame and control the human nature of the traveller though, especially of the eccentric one? Is it advisable to try or is it one of those things that should be accepted as they are, an integrant and undeniable characteristic of our species? Humans might be one of those forces of nature more difficult to tame and contain after all… But between the people sitting behind me bragging about how much they had spent on their holiday and the eccentric gentleman surreptitiously “borrowing” the free magazines, I just couldn’t reach a conclusion…

Early Bird

This week (and especially if you’re among those who find the early bird concept cringe-worthy), I encourage you to set your alarm for the early hours, grab your first (several) cups of coffee, and challenge yourself to capture an outstanding photograph in the early morning light.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a morning person! Say what you will, laugh if you must, but waking up earlier than my normal hour equals torture to me. Personally, I blame it on genetics – both my parents suffer from this ‘ailment’ 🙂 .

I will wake up early in the morning whenever I must, but I will also hate myself and the world for it… especially if such a depressing situation occurs at the weekend. So this Saturday was no exception to the rule… While driving through the almost deserted streets on an already warm and sunny morning, all I could do was think that I really should have drunk that third cup of coffee before applying my makeup. That way I might have not been yet again reminded that early mornings, mascara and contact lenses often don’t go well together.

Once I sorted out that aspect while being the only one waiting at a traffic light, I could move on to hating all those fortunate people who were still in their beds. But if everything went well, if I found parking right away and the annoying little task presented no unexpected complications, I could be back home and under the covers in about half an hour.

Yes, that was the only thought that made me feel better. Did I care about the unique opportunity to see the town so calm and sleepy in daylight? Not even a bit… Did I reach for my phone to take at least one photo of all those traffic lights with no cars waiting for the lights to change? The thought never crossed my grumpy mind. I caught a glimpse of the sea with the corner of my eye – I think it looked calm and lazy – but I couldn’t even be bothered to turn my head and take a better look, much less stop and think about it. So that chance of having some fresh, new photos for the challenge was lost on me 🙂 .

That being said, I will admit there were many occasions when not only was I lucky to be awake at an annoyingly early hour, but I have done it on purpose, without it being a must. Such a case was on a trip to Rome a few years back. We caught a very early flight, dropped the luggage at the hotel and started wandering the streets at an hour when sleepy waiters were still trying to get the cafes ready for another day of touristic invasion. That’s how we accidentally got to the Trevi Fountain without any effort, without even trying, without having to fight hoards of people in order to get close to it. I took my time to look around and cherish the peace and quiet. Only a few more sleepless souls were there to enjoy the morning treat – it looked so different, the experience felt so much more real then all the other occasions on which I saw the fountain later on, during the same trip…

There already were tourist out and about by the time we made it to the Pantheon and we could even stop at a café and reward ourselves with much needed espressos and breakfast. But those special, almost private moments by the Trevi Fountain will always stay with me… That’s probably why I didn’t even considered throwing in a coin and wishing to never have to wake up early again… 🙂

Afloat

This week, show us what afloat means to you.

There can be elegance and grace even in keeping afloat…

The Inspiring Blogger Award

 

Every once in a while I get reminded how many interesting, amazing people there are in this blogging world. Their stories are unique in their own way, yet how many times have we not found ourselves in a stranger’s words?… How many times have we not relived our own traumas and joys simply by reading somebody’s poem, by emerging ourselves in somebody else’s experience?… Words pour into our minds and souls – strangers’ words, not even our own – and they help our personal feelings, emotion and ideas crystalize. We may not always agree with certain opinions, we may often disapprove of certain choices and lifestyles, but the moment we learn to accept that all these people are as entitled to have a voice and share their individuality as we are, is the moment when we start growing. None of us can hear all the voices, nobody can read all the words, but trying to discover, understand, recognize and accept more of them is never a waste of time.

On this note, I would like to thank somebody I have recently discovered, for having nominated me for the Inspiring Blogger Award. Thank you, Sue Dreamwalker from https://aquileana.wordpress.com/ 🙂 .  Your incursions in mythology is a nice reminder of all those school days when I used to read stories about ancient times, sometimes forgetting to separate history from myths.

It’s good to give back once in a while, so the second rule implied by receiving this award – nominating 10 other bloggers – is really no chore. I won’t pick favourites this time, I will simply refer to a few of the newer blogs I have started to follow. All of them bravely share bits and pieces of their lives and souls, be it in prose, verse, or photography. So let us all stop being critics for a moment or two and pay them a visit, trying to see them for what they are – individuals with a voice and a story (the same way we would perhaps like others to perceive us).

https://lillianthehomepoet.wordpress.com/

http://suejudd.com/

https://janeslittlesecrets.wordpress.com/

https://kritidhingra.wordpress.com/

http://thejamielea.com/

https://harbourgalleryblog.wordpress.com/

https://theentiretyoflife.wordpress.com/

https://poetsmith.wordpress.com/

https://jsegarra.wordpress.com/

https://bythebriny.wordpress.com/

Let’s see… I have displayed the award on my blog, I have thanked and linked back to the person who has nominated me and I have, in my turn, nominated others and let them know about it. My job here is done. Oh, wait… I was also supposed to mention 7 facts about myself. Perhaps I could overlook this one… I have accomplished this task when receiving other awards, so I hope I’m covered 😉

Have a nice weekend, all of you!

Driving By A Marriage Proposal

For this week’s photo challenge, share with us a photo that expresses something fresh.

No, no, it wasn’t meant for me (good thing it wasn’t, because I would have kept driving)… 🙂

I have unwillingly intruded – together with hundreds of unsuspecting drivers – upon a somewhat unusual marriage proposal. The sun was shinning, flowers were blooming, birds were chirping and there it was, stopped on the side, in a dusty, empty parking lot – a car with a banner awkwardly tied to it’s trunk. That simple question so many girls dream of hearing, resonating deeply in their hearts, was spray-painted in black, uneven letters on said banner. A photographer was immortalizing the special moment for the happy, strikingly young couple, so I suspect the question was met with an affirmative answer 🙂 . People were slowing down, many of them even stopping to take a closer look at the unexpected, personal unfolding of the fresh start of a life together for the young couple. Will it last or will their story have peaked with that proposal on the side of a road, on a sunny, early spring day? Who can tell… I wish them well, whoever they are.

One thing’s for sure – the fresh flowers, the budding trees and the bright sun have gotten to all of us, not only to the birds and the bees 😉 . I look at many of the people around and it seems that something has melted within their souls – it’s that recurring transfiguration we witness every spring, the very one that disappears a few days later, as soon as warm days and lively colours become the norm again. But it’s fun while it lasts. 😉

Rule of Thirds… But not Today

This week, compose your subject off-center, obeying the Rule of Thirds.

It’s beginning to look and occasionally even feel like spring, so going to see the sea on a beautiful, though windy and somewhat chilly afternoon seamed like the thing to do. The afternoon almost became evening by the time that I was actually out, but the perspective of taking a nice, quiet drive – maybe even a walk if the weather allowed it – thinking of nothing and just stare at the scenery was too attractive. I had the sea on one side, the sun setting over the town on the other, but it struck me how instead of clearing my head and taking in the view, my mind was preoccupied with something else. I was looking for a good place to park and take a few shots of the sunset… or maybe I should just go on the beach… no, the sunset and the trees are a better choice, who knows, that way I could even come up with something suitable for the photo challenge.

Or maybe I could just look and see – actually see – the beautiful images I was looking at. It took getting out of the car and shivering in the cold wind to come up with that ‘revolutionary’ idea, while my already frozen hands were searching for the phone. The bag went back on my shoulder, my frozen hands went into warm pockets and I went back to that old habit of watching, seeing and perceiving everything through my own eyes, not through a camera. More and more often we need to see reality on a screen in order to perceive it… You know how it is, you notice something, you have a small revelation of your own, and then you can’t help noticing all the manifestations of said idea. I was clearly not the only one willing to brave the cold wind for a few cute photos; in fact, my stubbornly not taking any pictures was making me feel a little bit out of place amongst the people out for a walk by the beach in the early evening.

I hurried back to my car and turned up the heating. I would just stay there for a while, in the warm comfort of the metal shell and stare at the view, at the waves, at the sand, at the sky and think of nothing – just a little bit of ‘me and the sea’ time. No photos, no phone, no camera, just my own eyes 🙂 I have countless shots of seas and sunsets, many of them taken in a hurry – having had only a moment to stop, I had more and more often used it to take a picture at which I would look more carefully later, when I’d have the time. So I could certainly take a break from that sort of behavior I had adopted without even noticing it.

And here we are – no new photos for this week’s Rule of Thirds, just a few adapted oldies; somehow, I wasn’t too enthusiastic about this one…

Let’s Judge the Book Cover

It happens every day, we all do it… We all judge the book by the cover – be it in a figurative or literal manner – at least on some occasions. But this highly disapproved habit does sometimes yield constructive results. I’m thinking of changing the book cover, so if you have a moment, please focus all your judgemental energy and tell me what you think. If you have already read some of the fragments, choose the one you think is the most suitable. If not, you can pick the one you find most appealing.

Cover 1

Cover 2

 

Thank you!

“Village Teacher” or a Different Kind of Book

Village Teacher was a surprisingly pleasant break from the books which generally fall into our hands these days. In fact, I could say it’s reminiscent of literature from another time and not only because the action takes place at the end of the 19^th century in a politically torn, myth laden Vietnam, but due to the fact it creates an atmosphere often similar to that of an epic poem.

“The footprints never overlapped or touched one another, but there was no doubt that they were walking close together and going forward in the same general direction. They turned around once more and resumed their walk.”

The reader can guess early on how the story is going to end, but that doesn’t detract from the desire to follow the journey of those extraordinary main characters, who never betray their moral values, belief systems and feelings. Teacher Tam and Giang are the protagonists of a delicate, innocent, yet profound love story bringing together two worlds, two cultures, two completely different lifestyles. He is a poor, but erudite, honest, incorruptible village teacher, who values tradition, but keeps an open mind and is able to admit and accept progress, both when it comes to education and to mentality. She is the daughter of a highly influent, well-off, interracial family in the capital, encompassing the best traits of the two nations, French and Vietnamese. So you just know the adventure they have to survive in order to be together is going to be an interesting, entrancing one! As expected, they do manage to overcome social and political intrigues, selfishness and malevolence of their enemies. Their intelligence, selflessness and above all, their unconditional love both for each other and for others predicate their actions and lead them to a life together, in the spirit of their destiny.

Are such characters believable in the real world? Perhaps not, but I chose to see Teacher Tam and Giang as the embodiment of hope and dreams, the voices of aspiration for a better world. The task of establishing a connection with reality falls on the historical facts punctuating the love story, a task carried out in a clear, captivating fashion. Thus even a reader with few notions regarding Vietnamese history (such as I was) finds it easy to create a strong context and a cultural background, a veridical stage where the characters can perform. Some of the obstacles the protagonists face – such as prejudice, religious oppression and discrimination, gender bias – are also some of the plagues tormenting modern society, our own lives. Perhaps I’m not even too far from the truth if I say that the intertwinement of Vietnamese history and culture creates and entity to be metaphorically viewed as a third protagonist of the book, that’s  how much it affects the lives of Giang and Tam, often representing a challenging obstacle for the two young lovers from different worlds.

For me, reading a book has often been an escape from my own reality. And it is relaxing and gratifying to occasionally find escape in a world built on actual history, but populated with exceptional individuals, where the heroes eventually defeat the villains, even when they have to undergo their own personal dramas and emotional growth. Like I said, this book reminds me of another time – that of childhood and innocence, when everything was possible and the good always prevailed in every story. And the fact that the skeptical adult anchored in reality can grasp to the well-documented cultural and historical facts, thus learning something new and interesting, ads exactly the right twist to this exotic story, as far as I am concerned. So it certainly was time well spent accompanying Teacher Tam on the path to achieving his destiny.

This is where you can connect with the author, discover his world and find out more about the book:

http://neihtn.wordpress.com/category/village-teacher/

The Sunshine Award

The second surprise the Easter Bunny had in store for me was the Sunshine Award. It was Linda that helped the Easter Bunny with this one. Thank you for your nomination, Linda! Visiting your blog is always a pleasant experience and your photos are lovely: http://kerlundphoto.se/

Those who have been nominated and decide to accept the award have to thank the person who nominated them (1), share ten things about themselves (2), and nominate ten other blogs they consider worthy of this honour. These are the rules, from what I can understand.

Here are ten things about me (I know I may have mentioned some of them before, but I am in a hurry today, I apologize):

1. I love travelling and I don’t think I will ever get to visit all the places I want to see.

2. I cannot survive without coffee; chocolate comes second, right after coffee.

3. I’d rather work ‘till late in the night than wake up early in the morning.

4. Objectively speaking, I have too many shoes; but I still don’t trust this ‘objective’ voice, as I’m pretty sure I don’t have enough.

5. Literature has always played an important part in my life.

6. I’m too stubborn for my own good.

7. I find cooking to be relaxing, unless somebody badgers me into doing it.

8. I love the sea, but I hate swimming.

9. I never give money to beggars, but I do give them food.

10. I cannot stand narrow-minded people.

 

These are only ten of the many beautiful blogs that deserve this award:

1. http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/

2. http://vefword.com/

3. http://itmatterstogrey.wordpress.com/

4. http://theodoragoss.com/blog/

5. http://viewsplash.wordpress.com/

6. http://psychosomaticallyinlove.wordpress.com/

7. http://susipet.wordpress.com/

8. http://lalindaartstudio.wordpress.com/

9. http://shareandconnect.wordpress.com/

10. http://passionatelybored.wordpress.com/

Once more, thank you, Linda! And I hope all of you enjoy your award and pass it on to other bloggers you appreciate.

The Liebster Award

Update – May 30th 2015

I need to take a moment to thank yet another wonderful blogger for nominating me for the Liebster Award. Thank you, Laura! Stop by http://laurathelloyd.com/ and take a look at what she has to share with the world!

Liebster Award Update – April 22nd

I have to add another thank you note, as I just got nominated for the Liebster Award again. Thank you, http://searandyellowleaf.wordpress.com/ , I appreciate it and I wish I had the time to write a separate post on this occasion! She and her beautiful blog have just won the award and they certainly deserve it, so pay her a visit! 🙂

The Easter Bunny has arrived early this year and he has left me two amazing surprises amongst all those beautifully coloured eggs: two nominations for two lovely awards! As any busy do-gooder, the Easter Bunny has trusty helpers and I would like to thank them for delivering these surprising gifts to me – in a chronological order, no favouritisms 🙂

The first pleasant surprise of the day was the Liebster Award and I would like to thank petermoulding for nominating me.

Now… there are a few rules that need taken into account when receiving such a nomination:

I. Thank the blogger who gives it.

II. Answer 11 questions he / she asks.

III. Nominate 11 more bloggers for the award.

IV. Ask these 11 bloggers 11 questions.

V. Let the bloggers know that you have nominated them.

I. The first one – thanking the person who nominated you – is common sense, as far as I’m concerned. Once more, thank you for your appreciation! It’s always a delight to stop by http://petermoulding.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/liebster-award/ and browse through all the wonderful photos and more!

II. Here are my answers to the 11 questions I’ve been asked:

1. What was the inspiration behind your blog title?

I can’t say I have such an inspired, original blog title. I wanted to keep it simple, because I started this blog as a personal challenge. What was meant to be a brief presentation of a book has evolved into something else…

2. What is your favourite book and why?

It’s not easy to choose just one book, but if I must… Franz Kafka’s The Castle has always had a special place in my heart. Kafka is a good refuge whenever the daily nonsense of life becomes too hard to bear.

3. Name the happiest moment of your life so far…

Well… that’s not an easy one, is it? I would probably have to say it was that fresh start I managed to offer myself years and years ago. I know, it’s a bit cryptic, but the question is too personal for my taste J

4. How many times have you watched your favourite movie, and what is it?

Too many times to remember. Gone with the Wind has always been my feel-good movie.

5. If you had a choice to be in a different city tomorrow, what city would it be?

Another tough choice, but I think Paris would be my answer… at least for now.

6. A day trip to a big bustling city or a walk in the countryside?

It depends on my mood. Today… it would be the city.

7. Do you have any influences, who or what are they?

There are a couple of persons I know too well and I can say I loathe, so I strive to be nothing like them.

8. If you could travel back in time, where would you want to be?

I’d like to give those roaring twenties a try, see if they’re worthy of the legendary tales they inspired.

9. Pictures taken from an old camera or a modern digital camera?

I’m not fussy about this matter; pictures are mainly memories to me, I generally like them for what they mean to me and not for their quality, so whatever sort of camera I have access to is just fine.

10. Why travel?

Why not? There’s no better way to experience and discover different cultures and people. It makes me feel alive and it’s an opportunity to constantly learn new things, both about myself and others.

11. How long did it take for you to write up this post?

I didn’t really time it, it wasn’t one fluent effort; I guess it adds up to about half an hour or so.

 

III. Here are my 11 nominees:

1. http://truckerturningwrite.com/

2. http://scentofrina.wordpress.com/category/homepage

3. http://houseofsage.wordpress.com/

4. http://listlesslycurious.com/

5. http://ghepot.wordpress.com/

6. http://ilovepainting80.wordpress.com/

7. http://litadoolan.net/

8. http://carolinegsibley.wordpress.com/

9. http://sued51.wordpress.com/

10. http://justbeverity.wordpress.com/

11. http://kiwibeeblogger.wordpress.com/

 

IV. 11 questions for you (I’ll try not to be too intrusive):

1. What three places describe you best?

2. There must be an author or book close to your heart; would you like to share this information with us?

3. What is you dream destination, that mysterious place you always wanted to visit?

4. Where did you spend the nicest vacation?

5. What historical period would be best suited for your personality?

6. Do you identify yourself with any artist(s), and if so, with whom?

7. What nice memory from your childhood would you like to share with us?

8. What’s the greatest satisfaction you derive from blogging?

9. What are three of the most important principles you try to observe in life?

10. Do you like to plan everything or are you a spontaneous person?

11. What do you prefer: a good book or a good movie?

I’m looking forward to reading your answers and finding out what other bloggers you nominate for this award!

The Versatile Blogger Award

I came home to quite a pleasant surprise this afternoon: apparently somebody not only enjoyed my ramblings on various topics, but they also found that I was worthy of being nominated for The Versatile Blogger Award! Thank you, Frankie! You’re a kind soul! Incidentally, you can stop by his place anytime, he’s always hospitable, ready to share his thoughts and has a great sense of humor: http://truckerturningwrite.com/

Now… if only I had known in advance… here I am, receiving this honor and no new outfit for the occasion! The horror! Oh well… I guess I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got… at least I had my hair done this afternoon; but if my purse doesn’t match my dress, it’s all your fault, Frankie!

It seems that the protocol requires me to share 7 random facts about myself. I guess I can take care of this aspect, now that I can’t do anything more to save my outfit for this award ceremony.

1. I cannot survive without coffee (clearly it must be important, since it’s the first thing that comes to my mind…); chocolate comes second, right after coffee.

2. Objectively speaking, I have too many shoes; but I still don’t trust this ‘objective’ voice, as I’m pretty sure I don’t have enough.

3. Literature has always played an important part in my life, especially when I was a child.

4. I find cooking to be relaxing, unless somebody badgers me into doing it (i.e. my mother, whenever she visits).

5. I love the sea, but I hate swimming.

6. I never give money to beggars, but I do give them food.

7. I cannot stand narrow-minded people.

Now… this is the difficult part: choosing more nominees for the award. First of all, I’m not entirely sure how many there should be; second of all, I still haven’t managed to get used to how many talented people there are around here. But here goes, I’m closing my eyes and picking some of my favourites in no particular order:

http://psychologistmimi.com/ – I often wonder how many hours there are in her days, since she manages to do so many wonderful things;

http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/ – his photographs are beautiful and he always cheers us up with the funny videos he
shares.

http://angloswiss-chronicles.com/ – lovely stories and photographs;

http://teddylee01.wordpress.com/ – I admire the courage it takes to share certain personal matters;

http://ceenphotography.com/ – interesting challenges and really nice photographs;

http://josephrathjen.wordpress.com/ – he is not afraid to state his opinions;

http://61musings.com/ – in case you can’t understand introverts, this is the place that clarifies everything (I hope this nomination isn’t too much of a social bother 😉 );

http://moviewriternyu.wordpress.com/ – the stories are hilarious;

http://dysfunctionalliteracy.com/ – book reviews and not only (what will The  Literary Girlfriend do next?);

http://getreadingnow.org/ – a great place for book reviews.

I think I should stop here, not because these are all the great people and blogs, but simply because this award winning diva is starting to feel how exhausting her week has been. Have a nice weekend, all of you out there!

Age Illusions and Disillusions: Men and Women Turning Thirty (Weekly Writing Challenge)

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/weekly-writing-challenge-golden-years/

 

Do you think you are old? How about them? Aging only made them more attractive…

There is a certain cocktail of fear, frustration and depression that only birthday milestones can inflict on a person. Reaching any of those multiple of ten birthdays is if not a trial, at least a contradictory, controversial moment for most of us. It starts early on, when you’re a child so happy and proud to have finally achieved a double digit birthday, it’s a time when you begin to feel so big and important, you have finally become somebody who matters. In what almost seems to be a blink of an eye, ten becomes twenty – the moment you’re not in your teens anymore is a bittersweet victory, you feel like there’s finally something to back up all your claims to be treated like an adult, but the pressure which comes with having that wish granted starts to reveal itself as a constant rather than an accidental consequence. By the time you’ve reached your mid-twenties, there’s already a gnawing thought tormenting you once in a while, especially when nothing seems to go according to plan – the dreaded, end-of-life-as-you-know-it thirty is the next big step and it’s not at all as far away in the future as you might like it to be.

I am no longer ashamed to admit it, I was one of those women fearing the ominous number whenever I had the feeling time had a mind of its own and a cruel way of passing too fast, preventing me from doing all that I wanted to do. Some things are inevitable and the illusion of a disillusion disseminating birthday eventually became reality, not only a mean allusion in the back of my mind. However, having a close male friend that turned thirty the same month I did put certain things in perspective, making me break out of my selfish shell for a moment or two and actually acknowledge that this isn’t a critical time only for women. I used to think men simply ignore this milestone and women are the ones most tortured by the ticking clock. As it turned out, the men I witnessed crossing their thirties threshold took it considerably worse than the women I had a chance to see experiencing the same ordeal.

I woke up and I immediately felt worried – worried that the new decade wasn’t actually making me feel any different, depression and despair hadn’t taken over me; in fact I was feeling quite pleased with myself, the way I normally do my birthday. There was no trace of the pain, sadness or frustration I used to think would accompany this frightful day, it was just a birthday like any other; it occurred to that the introspection was meant to find fault where there wasn’t any. I switched on the TV and focused my attention on a news channel while drinking my coffee. There hadn’t been any relevant cataclysms; no nuclear war had started; no meteor was on its course to collide with the planet; no signs of any pandemic. It was clear, I realized, settling more comfortably, cup of coffee in hand: the end of the world wasn’t scheduled for that day just because I was turning thirty. And why should that happen, since even my own little personal universe was calm and safe, surprisingly unaffected by the matter? Just to make sure, I subsided to my vanity and closely inspected my face in the mirror – I hadn’t turned into a crone over night, no wrinkles were menacing to scar my visage in the near future, I could still pass for somebody in her early twenties if I was well rested, everything was the same as before. I was the same as before, not feeling thirty, far from looking thirty; the only difference was that I was actually thirty, but that suddenly stopped meaning that much, because I liked who and where I was, I had managed to come to terms with my existence and accept myself quite a while before that day. I wasn’t twenty anymore, but was it really that bad? I looked around at my home –
everything was the way I wanted it to be, every item was my choice and there was no sign of the awful, shabby furniture that used to give me nightmares when I was twenty and still a student. A beautiful bouquet of roses which had been delivered early in the morning was sitting in a vase on my coffee table, soft, quiet reminder that my special someone knows just what I like and hadn’t forgotten the special day. And that messy pile of wrapping paper and cardboard in the corner – that was my own present for myself, the pair of boots I had ordered online arrived just at the right moment. Life was certainly no worse than at twenty!

Not only did I survive my thirtieth birthday, but I actually enjoyed it. So why had I been so unsure about the way I’d react even if I had already reached the point where I wasn’t too worried about turning thirty? Remember the close friend I was mentioning earlier? We are the same age, we grew up together and we even turned thirty together, only he did it several days before I did. We know each other so well, yet there are still times when his behaviour surprises me, and after having seen how much of a blow this birthday was for him, I started worrying about what it would do to me… All of the sudden, there was no more time for this guy who had always been somewhat naïve and idealistic in many of his beliefs, almost annoyingly able to always see the good in people and situations. Who would have thought that I, the vane woman, would be calm and rational about my age, whereas he, the serious male, would be the drama queen who has a meltdown? After being grumpy, bitchy and displeased with everything and everyone for no good reason on his birthday, I finally managed to get him to share his troubles on mine… Well, it was mostly a rant, half self-pity and the other half reproachful because I didn’t share his opinion and I would stubbornly not change my idea about my thirtieth birthday being a joyous occasions and not at all the doom and gloom he was describing.

Think of all the aspects single women in their thirties complain about on TV shows and now imagine a man doing just the same – that’s the gist of his turning thirty paranoia. He was single, and if he hadn’t managed to get married up to that point, what were the chances for that to ever happen? All his male friends who wanted to get married, had already done it (and most of them regretted it, I might add), so it must be him, there was something terribly wrong with him. And if there were no perspectives for him to get married, then what were the chances for him to have children? And he wanted children, and all his married friends already had children… But not him, no, not him, everything was over and hopeless for him. Then he moved on to his career, etc., with the occasional flashbacks about not having a wife and kids. And by the way, why the hell was I not feeling the same way, since we were the same age, how could I not see that all was lost and meaningless? There was no point in trying to explain that a man in his thirties is young and attractive, so he didn’t need to worry about finding his better half (or halves, who knows…); there was no point in enumerating all the positive things in his life; his self-pity and disappointment had to run their course before he could see clearly again. But by the end of the evening, I thought I’d have to stop him purchasing adjacent burial plots in the graveyard for both of us as a special birthday gift for me – we were thirty, therefore practically dead.

He isn’t the only man I know who panicked about this dreaded age. Another example is a twenty-nine year old guy who started talking about marriage on his first dates simply because he couldn’t picture himself thirty and not married, it was simply unacceptable. We weren’t close friends, so we lost touch at a point; but I know that he is still single and in his late thirties now, so I bet he’ll make for quite an interesting case study when he turns forty.

All joking aside, age is every so often a terrifying monster for all of us; and like the vane creature that I am, I do my best to if not avoid, at least diminish the tell-tale signs the passage of time leaves behind. But I refuse to obsess over the inevitable, I choose to focus on the matters I can change – life is hard enough as it is, why add unnecessary worry lines? But I often think of the revelation brought on by my friend’s thirtieth birthday – men fear aging as much as women do and we all have good reasons to feel this way. So is there a way of preventing the illusion of time from becoming the disillusion of a lifetime? Do let me know if you have the answer to this one…

Parallel Lives – Sample Fragment 15

“It’s not like that, you’d understand it if you knew her.”

“I’m sure I wouldn’t, but I’m also sure you actually believe that, so you just tell yourself whatever you need to hear in order to go on.”

The silence was drowning the countryside scenery. Nice, cosy and nightmarish, she thought, but that’s not his fault, that appears to be the vastly spread idea about marriage anyway, why would they be the exception? It’s probably never different, they just end up devouring each other’s soul and character in the nicely furnished confines of a home, burying all the frustration, ignorance and dissatisfaction deep under a sea of smiles and placid lies, all under the silent approval of socially accepted behaviour, most likely under the eyes of some child that doesn’t know any better and will probably just grow up to duplicate the parents’ example.

“How about Woollen Socks? Why do you keep him around and not chase him away, so he could find somebody right for him? Or why don’t you make him into more than that, why can’t he make it to the next level?”

“We met not that long after I moved here and he immediately became somewhat obsessed with me. It was pretty obvious and perhaps I should’ve chased him away from the very beginning, because I knew myself well enough to be aware that I didn’t want anything serious with or from him. But I’m selfish and I was a bit lonely at the time too, and the way he worshiped me was quite nice for my ego. He knew that he had no chance to be more than that, the pair of socks on a cold winter night, but he accepted it, or maybe he hoped things would change, that I might change, I don’t really know and I don’t really care. There are still times when I feel lonely and that’s when he’s just a speed dial away, he knows that total availability on his behalf is what I require and he is more than willing to provide that. Because, no matter how bad you think he has it, he still enjoys it a lot more than he would any typical relationship with somebody else but me. It’s me he wants and this is who I am, so that’s what he gets; no more than that though, because he is devoid of any personality, any ambition and intelligence. He may be a nice guy, but he’s no more than that and he never will be.”

For more sample fragments from Parallel Lives, see: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/396169

Parallel Lives – Sample Fragment 14

“You do realise that’s a person you’re talking about, right?”

“Yes, and the person in question is completely aware of my feelings, I don’t pretend he means much to me, just as you don’t pretend not to be married. There’s a difference, however: he knows exactly how things stand between the two of us, he knows exactly who I am and what my conditions are, and he has the choice of accepting them or not. He decided he was desperate enough in order to accept anything, as long as once in a while there’s room for him in my life as well; but he is free to leave whenever he wants. Can you say the same about your wife, though? Does she know exactly who you are? Does she get the choice of accepting you or not, or does she just have to live with a nice, cosy lie about what her marriage is?”

She was right… or maybe she wasn’t… He didn’t know anymore, that kind of questions hadn’t been tormenting him for too long a time. It made sense from a logical point of view, but he knew there was more to it when it came to a relationship, especially a marriage; the make belief factor was actually the more relevant one in keeping things together.

“Marriage is different. It’s cruel to tell people things that are bound to hurt them just to fulfill some need for honesty. There’s more to it than that and relationships, especially marriages, need to be protected, sheltered from certain aspects of life; there’s more than enough pressure on them as it is.”

“Right… What you don’t know can’t hurt you. How about being at the receiving end of that sheltering strategy? What if your wife protects you – I’m sorry, your marriage – from certain aspects of life as well?”

“It’s not like that, you’d understand it if you knew her.”

For more sample fragments from Parallel Lives, see: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/396169

Parallel Lives

Young, beautiful and independent Amalia refuses to apply traditionalist conceptions to any of her relationships with men; therefore commitment, marriage and couple routine are not part of her vision on life. Cynical and highly aware of the realities of an unromanticized modern world devoid of long lasting feelings, Amalia appears to only seek the promise of a few moments of fleeting happiness next to the men in her life. The opposite sex is often no more than a refuge from all mundane problems and deceptions, so the young woman stubbornly refuses to settle down with any of the men who try to win her affection – that would only mean the death of her soul, independence and character.
A man will treat a woman as badly as she allows him to and no man can offer a woman all she needs – these are two of her strongest beliefs; needing to be in control, she will not shy away from being at least as selfish, self-involved, manipulative and cold as men are to other women in their lives. Intense sensations are her idea of happiness and Amalia seeks someone who can make her feel and forget, but as she thrives on introspection and analysis, doubt and disappointment, together with unwanted and unexpected feelings will often overwhelm her. But above anything else, she is their confident, the one they entrust with all their fears, hopes, past, future and prosaic stories, Amalia enjoying their conversations as a means of escaping and forgetting her own issues. Infiltrating the thoughts, ideas and emotions of men who care for her becomes a guilty pleasure in which she will relish whenever she finds the power to remind herself that any drop of happiness needs to be savored.
Getting to know the various men in her life ultimately translates in a deeper understanding of herself and her needs, discovering she can still be both disappointed and amazed by the person she is. Her evolution over the years outlines the image of a woman who refuses to lie to herself and become somebody else in order to please people and fit in, often accepting loneliness as a reward and not a punishment.